Reviews of the Last 5 Books I've Read

What is the What –

Three thumbs up. Well done, Dave Eggers. You might be only marginally older than me, and I may be only marginally jealous of your talent, but I cannot wait to read on. You are a gifted writer and continue to amaze me by tackling a complex, foreign, and tragic subject with ease and ingenuity. I hope you tell me what the what is. I bought your book in hardcover. You owe me!

The Reprieve –

John Paul Satre - you may have invented existentialism (or not! It already existed, eh smartypants? Got you there.) But let's face it John Paul. You ripped off the stream of consciousness thing from James Joyce. I don't care if you never read Joyce, never spoke English, or maybe Joyce wrote his works after you (I can't be bothered to sort out these petty historical details, JP), regardless I've seen this before! And while I understand that when you write about nothing and there's no narrative and things just sort of float around that you're showing the inter connectedness of mankind, the collective consciousness, and that nothing is really everything, it wouldn't kill you to be a little more original.

At least Joyce knows not to throw in punctuation marks. That's innovative.

(95% of )Anna Karina –

Look Anna Karina. It's been 6 years, 756 pages, and who knows how many airplane trips as my travel companion where the only options are either die of boredom or force myself to read you. And as a critic I must say…too many subplots. And all those peasants! They're so…bourgeoisie. And really…five thousand characters and only one love affair? You call that exciting? We're over. That's right. I don't care what happens in the last 70 pages. I'm giving up and I'm fine with that. You've died Anna Karina. And now you're dead to me.

The Sirens of Titan –

Kurt Vonnegut, I applaud you for making the crazies in your head seem not so crazy after all. Your visions of the future are scarily accurate and I'm starting to believe you when you say you've been to heaven and back and that you can see the future. If you tell me what happens to me on June 31, 2015 then I'd really believe you. Wait wait wait! Don't tell me. Just kidding KV, forget I asked. That was the old me. I don't want to know. I don't mess with the future. If, in the future, I ask you that again, have your more future self send my less future self a message so that we can avoid certain disaster. Thanks.

Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way –

Bruce, you are the man. I never knew that I had so much to learn and you had so much to offer. You'll call me, right? Dinner sometime? Or lunch? Brunch? Coffee? Tea? Wow, I guess you are really busy. Could we bump into each other on a Slurpee run then spend a few minutes "catching up" in the bathroom of 7-11? It's a date.