Back To The Present - Part II

Ok, so its August.  Much has happened since our last posts, but i need not bore you with the deets.  Anyways, summer time is movie time.  Before the holiday season rewards-fodder, this is that time of year when Hollywood churns out their cash cows.  This was labeled the summer of the threequels, but it might as well have called the summer of the pukequels, since that's what the majority of them made me want to do when they ended and that's putting it nicely.  Let's have a quick analysis...

Spiderman 3: Oh where to begin with this one? Despite the ridiculous amount of money Sony has raked in with Spidey, I think this franchise has stunk from day one; with the exception of the performance by Alfred Molina and a sweet fight sequence on the elevated train in Spiderman 2.  Spiderman 3 is the most offensive of the trilogy.  The Pete Wentz-ing of Peter Parker aside, the "climax" of this thing was just laughable.  And the MPAA is seriously deranged if they pass this flick as PG-13, just because they don't show blood when Spiderman beats the crap out of Venom with a metal poll.  But despite the soothsaying of Kirsten Dunst I'm pretty sure Sony will keep this money train chugging whether the "talent" returns or not.  Save yourself James Franco! Just say no!!

Shrek 3: Skipped this one.  When a studio makes more than 2 trailers for a movie, you know its going to be a turd.  Besides Shrek 2 was a major let down.  Next.

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: This is Hollywood excess at its worst.  I really had high hopes for this one due to a pretty excellent trailer.  But alas, Pirates turned out to be another Matrix for me, meaning a trilogy where I use selective memory to ignore the fact that two sequels were made.  One would think Disney would realize that if this movie were 45 minutes shorter they could screen it more times during the day and hence make more money, but obviously that didn't happen.  Who would have ever thought too much Johnny Depp could be a bad thing? 

Bourne Ultimatum: Thank you, Universal. Thank you, Paul Greengrass. Thank you, Matt Damon et al.  I read that the script for Ultimatum was being written on the fly during the shooting of this film.  Usually that is a recipe for disaster (see: Pirates 3 above), but somehow these blokes pulled it off.  Its the third in the series and its not just good, its the best of the three.  You know when critics say, "an edge of your seat thrill ride!" well with this one they bloody mean it.  This movie was so well executed from start to finish I didn't want it to end.  I was literally shaking from the intensity and suspense of it all.  Awesome.  Simply awesome.  Someone give Matt Damon an acting award already please.  Actually don't because the Academy is a joke now.  Screw them!  Just keep on doing what you do, fella.

Rush Hour 3: Skipped the first one.  Second one was meh.  No way I'm seeing this one regardless of a Polanski appearance.  Watching the trailer was torture enough.  Pass.

Okay, I think that takes care of the trilogy dreck.  But I'd like to lump Transformers in with the bad apples.  I'd rather not go into details because it gets me upset.  There's no denying the effects were some of ILM's finest work but that couldn't save this flick from a weak plot and terrible pacing.  

I'll post about some of my other favorites of the summer in the next installment.  Until then...

-- M